Sitting in my lecture hall of over one hundred people, fate places me next to a perky blonde student with three pens on her desk, a neat binder that is color coded, and a planner (also color coded). I exhale a sigh when I realize, "Oh dear god. I'm sitting next to a talker." But who am I to judge on first impressions? The lecture begins and my professor immediately starts with a rhetorical question. "Each of us has our own definition of wellness and health, right?" And immediately my overly-enthusiastic neighbor shouts out, "I think that the two go together." Everyone snaps their head in my direction and my hand hugs my pen tighter. Ladies and Gentlemen, once again, my gut instinct was correct. I am sitting next to Glenda the Good Witch who is full of comments for the rest of the semester.
On another note, I went to Walmart for a multivitamin with no iron because my blood iron level is too high. All Walmart had for me was "Equate Multivitamins for 50+ Active Adults". Don't worry folks, my joints are feeling ten times better now.
But on the more serious topic of peculiar situations, it stems to character. In a more personal situation that I will not expand too much on, I have felt saddened the last few days and feel that writing this all out might help. If not the person it involves, at least myself to get it off my chest. I have a lot of flaws that I have actively been working on. I get pretty defensive, want to run from conflict, and can cry very easily (That one I blame on my mother. She cries at Hallmark commercials.). I have also run into a few issues this past semester involving drinking. I will be fully honest, I should never drink as much as I have a few times in the past. I know the issues I have with it based on family history, and after too much I tend to get way too emotional or quick to snap. Fortunately, my good friends back home know this and have watched out for me. Unfortunately, I have hurt someone I really care about by making poor decisions after drinking. And what hurts is that it's probably too late to fix it. I want to say though, and those of you who know me know, that when I say I love you, or I am sorry, it is worth everything I have. I am not perfect, and I fail a lot, but I do know that I love deeply.
I guess the lesson I have learned is I am dumb and still have a lot of work to do on myself to be worthy of a partner... but the lesson that hurts the most and that I am refusing to accept is that sorry may not be enough for some people. Or it could be too late. It could be a work situation, a relationship, or even a family situation. All I hope is that my bravery of putting this out online doesn't bite me in the ass. I only mean to state my recognizing of my faults, and my attempt at fixing them.
But, with my chin up I must end this post and get on my homework. It's been a long day.
I do promise my following posts will not be this...saddening. I want this to be a happy thing!
No comments:
Post a Comment